just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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