That's when you crack a 10am beer
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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