Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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