We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
