so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
