what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
