you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
