we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
