I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
