Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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