I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
