The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
