I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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