Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
