I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
