So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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