I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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