I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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