Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
