Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
