hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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