when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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