Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
