The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
