Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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