May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
