Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
