I can text with my tongue
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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