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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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