Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
