Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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