I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
