yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
