my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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