I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
