i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
