i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
