my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
