Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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