why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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