How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
honey bunches of taint.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
