haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
