you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
