My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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