sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
