my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
