i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
