i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
