Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
