I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
