Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found your dick twin last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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