fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
