Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
