She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize