I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
