she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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