I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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