Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize