Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
