I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
