So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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