I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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