yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
