I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
