It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
