I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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