So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
did i just pee glitter
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
