we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
