i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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