I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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