Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two words: blizzard sex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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