Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
