tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
