i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
