Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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